Hi folks, I hope you have had a good week, we will meet as usual In the Sea front lounge at 7.30. This week our blog is written by John Morley.
Well, they chose the right person to talk about loss. Last Sunday at the pub I lost my wallet, just an example of a theme running through my life. At 12 I left a camera on top of a mountain
So Rob said “can you do a blog?” “OK (too quick there) What’s it on?” “your job – bereavement” .”Whats the passage” “blessed are those who mourn” I’m thinking. ‘Ahhhhh’!
Well its a music link first to lead us into the topic today. I’m suggesting that we listen to the track first then think about the topic but if that way round doesn’t work for you please prepare by looking at the text first then listen to the music.
What did Jesus mean? Mourning can cover a range of circumstances e.g loss of employment, relationship breakdown, refugees who have fled their homes experience loss, even trauma .The most obvious and in many ways biggest loss is the death of a loved one which we’re focusing on today. Which loss Jesus is referring to though is hard to judge, maybe all of them.
I would like to suggest we bring to mind someone we can talk to and can trust with our most personal feelings for whatever these thoughts, discussions and questions may bring up in case we need someone’s help.
It’s said that people go through various stages when someone they are close to dies. I want to reflect a bit on those stages myself in this ‘blessed are they who mourn ‘ discussion. As I said I want to reflect on mourning. Bible scholars may accuse me of missing the point that the sermon in the mount is a whole package addressing people in a particular 1st century context of trauma and oppression from military occupation. Well there I’ve considered it. Rob told me to do this on bereavement though.
Looking at what happens to us in the death of a loved one there are considered to be 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I’d like to briefly share with you a bit of my experience.
My Mum died in 2016 of a brain tumour .The 18 months leading up to mum’s death was a time of suffering for her. She chose to live with the cancer, the treatment and all that meant. A time that was obviously very very hard to live with and was hard to watch. After mum died I didn’t go to see her at the funeral directors and even now I don’t go that much to the grave at the woodland burial site or talk with my family about it. When I look back to the immediate days after mum died with myself in a dazed state, I remember listening to a brass band playing a Frank Sinatra song and what really hit me was that the song was a called ‘someone to watch over me’ A lot of these stages overlapped in my situation and because my mum was ill for over 18 months some of these stages happened while she was still alive. I remember too after mum died as arrangements were being made for the funeral, my family were getting cross with each other about who did what or who was taking over. I think I was more depressed before my mum died and angry after about how she died. I think I’m very good at denial and burying too and certainly haven’t reached a stage of acceptance yet. This was 7 years ago and in opening up here over this it still looks like a jumble of confused feelings, hurts and loss.
The lyrics for the introductory song cover many of these stages for me but make it personal we are real people with emotions not text book processes.
“How Could You Be Gone” (from Dark enough to see the stars)
I keep starin’ at the clock
Stumblin’ round the house in shock
I don’t know what I feel
I can’t believe that this is real
I don’t know what to wear
I don’t know who will be there
I wanna call you, I wanna cry
I don’t wanna say goodbyeTurn the key make the drive
Park and watch the cars arrive
Friends I never knew you had
It’s movin’ slow, it’s movin’ fast
I walk by your photograph
I hear your voice, I hear your laugh
Everybody’s dressed in black
I still think you’re comin’ backHow could you be gone
How could you be goneI’m sitting in a plastic chair
The preacher’s words hang in the air
A cross of roses, pink and white
Slideshow pictures of your life
Children run across the lawn
They don’t understand you’re gone
I’m lookin’ for you in the crowd
Lookin’ for you in the cloudsHow could you be gone
How could you be goneWe all hang our heads to pray
Preacher tells us what to say
I don’t know what I believe
I just know I have to leave
I walk alone back to my car
I go before the goodbyes start
I have always been this way
You were the only one who could make me stayHow could you be gone
How could you be gone
How could you be gone
How could you be goneMary Gauthier
Some Questions:
What do you remember losing, where was it and how do you feel when you lose things?
In what ways have you experienced loss?
Do you recognise the stages of grief in your experience of loss of a loved one?
What sort of mourning was Jesus referring to?
What sort of comfort was Jesus referring to?
When we meet to discuss this no one will be put on the spot to talk about anything they are uncomfortable about but if you join us we hope you will find some comfort and the group loving and supportive.
Peace John Morley
Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay
Rob Wylie is the founder of BeachcomberFX and guides its leadership team. He has worked in the North East for over 20 years and has vast experience from various roles he has held. He has a passion for Fresh Expressions of Church and Pioneer Ministry as well as beer, beaches and Miniature Schnauzers.
