Soothing the suffering is nothing new, especially during the last two years as we’ve navigated our way through the pandemic. Suffering will mean something different too each of us depending on the external and internal situations we find our self in. A phrased used a lot on social media during the first lockdown was ‘We’re all in the same storm but not the same boat.’ For some suffering is the stress of balancing work and family, for others is the living daily with psychical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual illness. For others it the responsibilities of caring for others through the pandemic and making decisions about when things should reopen, for others it’s about the loss of a job and having to ask for help with providing the basics necessities for they child and for others is the suffering of grief as love ones have passed away.
Suffering comes in all forms and is different for each of us, as is how we deal with suffering. How we sooth the pain of suffering in the moment. For some its that glass off wine at the end of the day, spending time with family and friends, it’s that run with their favourite music playing to the beat of each step, or its that bar of chocolate in the cupboard and for others its yoga or sitting in meditation. For all of us it could be a combination of so many things. Self-soothing can be helpful but like everything it can become more of a negative and less helpful when seen as the only way to cope with life.
During December I read a book call ‘After the Rain: Gentle reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-love’ by Alexandra Elle, and which this blog takes its title from Lesson 3: Soothing the Suffering. It is beautiful written but at the same time doesn’t hold back. It challenges the read to stop running from whatever it may be for that person, face it allowing themself to acknowledge the emotions and thoughts, to accept they presences and then to begin to work out what needs to be done to bring healing and move forward. Again this process depends on the individual and it may be that we do this work in private, it maybe taking a step of vulnerability and asking for help from family, friends and/or professionals i.e. Counsellor.
Alexandra writes:
“Hold your hurt, rest in your pain more often. Stop running from fear. Don’t be afraid to touch and face what scares you the most. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. Collapse into vulnerability: that is where you will find resilience. Take care of the soft and tender spots of your grief and process and bandage them up slowly. Rushing to rebuild won’t make you heal any faster…
Emotional hardship does not have an end point… triggers will present themselves and that may mean I don’t know what to do. But comfort is found in knowing that I have the ability to learn new ways to self-sooth.”
As we come out of the pandemic and life begins to gather pace again, I was opened to a depth of warning for personal healing and growth, family and friends, my community and the world “Rushing to rebuild won’t make you heal any faster.” I find it interesting that the next Lesson in the book is on Time.
When I stopped to think about this Philippians 4: 6-7 held out its arms to embrace me once again and give me comfort, courage and encouragement:
“Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything (every circumstance and situation) by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your (specific) request known to God. And the peace of God (that peace which reassures the heart, that peace) which transcends all understanding (that peace which) stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (is yours) APM.
How many times has my own self-soothing replace going to God. This is what I wrote in my journal.
“I need to pray, worship and give thanks to God, asking specifically about the situation, the pain and asking how to address it so I’m not in limbo. I am not to be double minded (James 1:5-8) and tossed around in my mind by ‘what ifs’ or even will God answer me? But I can pray about the double-mindedness, ask for forgiveness and ask God to help steady my mind, emotions, to lean into Him in my vulnerability, to believe that God, my Heavenly Father is willing to stand with me in all experiences. Each step taking is a step, a day towards healing, towards being able to stand ‘After the Rain’. Having trusted God to guide me through to the other side and that He has given me His power and strength to walk through the process, not rushing but taking in all of the journey.”
Questions:
What got you through the pandemic?
How do you self-sooth?
What does the quote by Alexandra say to you?
What are your thoughts regarding “Rushing to rebuild won’t make you heal any faster.”?
How can we remember to invite God into all of our situations?
Has been a part of BeachcomberFX since his arrival in the North East in 2014. He is well travelled (at least in the UK) having lived in Manchester, Nottingham, Derbyshire, Southport, Doncaster, Berwick and Edinburgh. Supporter of Newcastle United, will watch any sport.
