HI folks, how we doing? This week we are meeting at 7.30 at the Crescent Club, I hope you will be able to join us!
This week we turn our attention to fighting with another… The actual chapter in Liturgy of the Ordinary though is not about fighting with another – it’s actually about fighting with your partner……… I have to say I didn’t want to get into that!!
But then as I read the chapter and pondered on it – it hit me! The person I argue with the most is Karen! hahaha! We don’t argue much but when we do – we usually go for it… there is usually shouting, and one of us usually walks out the room to go somewhere else… and then one of us falls on our sword and starts the job of making up! What is interesting is that we usually argue around silly things, parking the car, or in fact anything to do with the car!
But if we are honest – the car is the excuse, the trigger but it’s normally something else that is the cause, some niggle at work, something we are feeling low or down about… or whatever it is! And then as we argue we then notice the sharpness in our voices, or who interrupts whom, and how often, or about a passing comment that was made yesterday or a look that was given this morning.
These are the patterns in family life that make it hard to be patient and gentle and kind. I’m not mad that Karen left the draws open in the kitchen while we are cooking… I’m mad about the last three hundred times you’ve left the draws open! Or, more painfully, Karen would say it’s not just that she’s mad about my criticism today, it’s how a pattern of my criticism, comment by passing comment, bumps up against her own patterns of woundedness, and self-defensiveness.
You get the picture- you probably recognise some of this! Or I hope you do!!
The truth is I get along with most people pretty well. When I do have conflict, it is usually with those I love most. The struggle to “love my neighbour” is most often tested in my home, with Karen, when I’m tired, fearful, discouraged, off my game, or just want to be left alone.
I have spent most of my working life working in the church – But even that doesn’t stop me from making mistakes!! In fact it could be said it’s even harder!! What I do know is that as a follower of Jesus I cannot seek God’s peace and mission in the world without beginning right where I am, in my home, in my neighbourhood, at BFX, with the real people right around me.
Now if you have been in any church you will know that one of the most awkward moments is the ‘passing of the peace’ – I can see some of you shivering with the very thought!
Passing the peace isn’t supposed to be what we have made it – it should be about deep reconciliation – you can see that if that was lived out in community with those that know each other well and with those who we rub up against all the time that it could be really significant.
So what then if passing of the peace was to find its way into our daily living in small, unseen moments as we live together, seeking to love those people who are the constants, the furniture in our lives—parents, spouses, kids, friends, colleagues, enemies, the barista we chat with each week as we wait for coffee, the neighbour whose child continues to kick his ball into your garden.
It seems after reading this chapter that peace is home grown, it begins on the smallest scale, in the daily grind, in homes, churches, and neighbourhoods.
In Jeremiah 29:7 we read these words – seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” – In fact when you have space read the whole chapter!
Daily habits of peace or habits of discord spill into our communities, creating cultures of peace or cultures of discord.
So when we seek peace, we begin with where we are… Each time we make a small choice toward justice, or buy fair trade, or seek to share instead of hoard, or extend mercy to those around us and kindness to those with whom we disagree, or say “I forgive you,” we pass peace where we are in the ways that we can.
It seems to me that if we are going to make a difference in our communities we need to start in simple ways by seeking peace with those we are closest to and going from there… We need to say sorry to each other to seek the peace of the city… So why not start “Passing the peace” in every way we can, in the places and spheres where God has placed us.
Peace takes a whole lot of work. Conflict and resentment seem to be the easier route. Shorter, anyway. Less humiliating.
Anne Lamott writes that we learn the practice of reconciliation by starting with those nearest us. “Earth is Forgiveness School. You might as well start at the dinner table. That way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.”
Some questions:
What is the most ridiculous argument you have ever had?
How do you feel when you argue?
What is one way to seek peace in your home, work, or small sphere of daily experience?
In what way do you find it difficult or easy to forgive?
What is your experience of passing the peace?
How do you see your small sphere and ordinary life as part of the broader mission and work of bringing peace?
Rob Wylie is the founder of BeachcomberFX and guides its leadership team. He has worked in the North East for over 20 years and has vast experience from various roles he has held. He has a passion for Fresh Expressions of Church and Pioneer Ministry as well as beer, beaches and Miniature Schnauzers.